Tsunami Aid Relief
I think at the latest count, 100,000 people are still missing and or dead, and hundreds of thousands (if not millions) are left homeless. This is such unfathomable devestation... over a dozen countries affected is so tremendous. I know that (almost) everyone I know on blogger drinks coffee. So, I am going to make a request. If you buy beans this week, please swing by Starbucks and pick up a pound of Sumatra. 2 bucks goes directly to help aid the victims on the island of sumatra.... the same people who grew and harvested the coffee you buy. Its nothing outside of your normal routine, it helps lives, and its good coffee. I have been looking into really reputable relief agencies too, and the ones I have found are Doctors without Borders, Mercy Corps, and the Salvation Army. And I am sure that wherever you are at there is a local chapter of some organization collecting donations to help. I know it sounds like I just made a pitch for Starbucks (believe me that is NOT my intent) I am just looking for simple ways that we can help others who have been devestated half a world away. Have a fantastic new years everyone, i am going to bed at 10 so i can be at work at 5.
cheers.
musings.
Even with this blog. I still keep a paper back journal. Actually, I keep like seven of them, various books strown about my room and car and such and I will just write in whichever one is closest... they aren't so much organized. I don't know why.... I journal about everything, and I blog about nonesense mostly. nothing too deep. That's kind of tragic in a way, when we are so scared of what we might say that we just, don't.
So all the things going through my head.
I am so restless here, and terrified of being stationed permanently into anything.... Redding, my job, my house.. and I keep waiting for that next moment where my life will again be disrupted and I will move onto another city, make new friends, find new passions in art, music, anything... have my heart broken, pack up and leave again. its a trend. but it can be more appealing to know that in that trend I am constantly experiencing new things, even if painful, than to be stagnant where I'm at. The idea of settling TERRIFIES me. I love my family, I love my home. I have been happier (and emotionally healthier) since being here than I have been in the last two years. And at the same time I miss Seattle, I miss LA. I am scared of what I
could be missing.
I haven't had a single regret about where the last two years have taken me. I trust God, and what He has done through all of this is yet to be seen.... If anything, it has shown me what I can handle, and that is absolutely nothing without Him. My seasons are short and many. So often I feel like a rubix cube... no matter how much things in my life change nothing every seems to line up.
I am honestly scared of pursuing my passions. I dream so big, and all of the things I want are so very precious to me, that the thought of not acheiving them is painful. And that is why being here scares me. Today I completed my application to be a manger at Starbucks, but this isn't what I want... I am so afraid of waking up in ten years and still putting on a green apron to go to work. I guess that I just see every moment I pour myself into where I am at now, is a moment I am not pouring myself into where I want to be. So instead of putting together press packs and booking shows for my own venue I am studying up on Starbucks newest drink promo "Chantico" which I couldn't possibly be less excited about. Really, I just don't care.
I know I sound jaded, but the last few days I have been walking around kind of wondering, what happened to me? My mom bought me a beautiful easel for Christmas and Graham got me a gift certificate for canvas and supplies. I loved it, and I said "Wow, maybe I can start painting again" and Graham said "yeah nina, that was the point."
Its not just painting. I so rarely play my guitar, I haven't ridden in weeks, I can't remember the last show I went to... and it is all because I am working seven days a week for something thats not all that important.
I know God wants me here. I have no doubt. I know He has called me to Silence. My Utmost for His Highest has a great devotion about how God trusts the strong with Silence. It is one of our greatest tests of Faith, because we are being so blindly led. It is all about Faith. Just Faith.
And it is terribly frightening.
I'm coming for a visit.
Sara and Jon are getting married on January 8th.
Since I will be half way there, I am leaving Fresno early on the 9th and coming down to LA until the 14th! So I would love to see any and everyone of you who is going to be around. Becca and I want to drive up to Big Bear for at least a day... and Noah's birthday is the 11th so I thought it would be fun to take him out and do something. any ideas? I miss you all. I can't wait!
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas friends and family,
Today is a momentous day for us. In this day is the perfect manifestation of love, the reason for our existence. Let's celebrate today as our victory over death in the birth of our King! Walk as that example, in a society so obsessed with consumerism, so that others may be blessed as well.
My wish is that you would all be so fully blessed this coming year, that I would get to see you all more often, and Joy would follow you everywhere you are.
much love,
nina.
interview
i got a phone call waking me up this morning at 10am. it was work, telling me "you have an interview today at 1pm." what? "you are interviewing with the district manager to become a manager."
okay does anyone else think that was super short notice? so i went (without a cover letter, resume, reference letters or ANYTHING remotely important) and had my interview. I think it actually went very well. I led a coffee tasting which was awesome (derek) and then just answered a million questions. I already went through all of this when i was living in seattle, but the questions were so different, i was caught off guard with each one. so hopefully, by next week i will be promoted.
wow i am becoming a grown up. its weird. but its nice to have an income that pays off the student loans.
on a better note, becca banghart is here (!!!) which is wonderful. nothing better than having your best friend with you. manor party tomorrow night.
also, i am planning on visiting becca next month, so while in LA i am going to try and make the so-cal rounds and want to see everyone!
everyone keeps taking about snowboarding. i haven't been since my car accident, so this winter i'll be on the mountain. i probably suck now, its been so long.
other than that. i worked all day.
cheers.
vision mishaps.
today was actually quite surreal.
i saw jesus standing in front of the supermarket today as i was driving to work. as i was staring at this man, i remembered i needed gas. i pulled into the gas station i used yesterday, just to look up and see that the gas pumps no longer existed. they were completely gone, as if they had never been there before.
i blinked.
i had just used them yesterday, so i must be hallucinating, because first i see jesus standing in front of the supermarket, and then an entire gas station has dissapeared without a trace. so confused, i pulled back onto placer and started driving into town, when i see someone in a giant fuzzy pink bunny suit walking down the street, smoking a cigarette.
so i laugh, because i have to be losing it.
friend.
i haven't been updating because nothing exciting ever happens when you work seven days a week (unless you are rosie in which case you have hysterical stories of russian men in thongs... rosie i laughed so hard by the way) so all my entries would look like this:
"today i folded denim walls for 8 hours"
or
"today i got yelled at by crazy shoppers who wanted coffee NOW."
but instead today i got to hang out with noah schneider, which was such an awesome surprise. i was at lameass starbucks, and all of a sudden he comes bouncing through the doors (literally..... bouncing, those of you who know noah can visualize it i'm sure) because he is in town for a bit. noah is one of the most precious souls i have ever known, and he is so passionate and dedicated to his ministry. i love that he works for steiger... sometimes i wish i did too. if you haven't, read "dancing with skinheads", its amazing.
i was blessed by hanging out with noah, he definitely brought some awesome change to a monotonous day.
"they stuck yen in a dufflebag!"
and we don't have a greaseman anymore, because he's stuck in a bag.... somewhere.
nutshell.
yay! i like my new template. it reminds me of snow after the first fall, and it is called snapshot tequilla. snow, snapshot, tequilla. nice.
top five experiences from today:
being the subject of a friend's photography art project
going to diestlehorst and feeling nothing but happy
sending toys off to the starlight foundation
laughing because my car will no longer lock and that should suck but oh well
having a picture of me tatooed on a friend's arm (it IS me!)
it was a normal but very good day.
morning thoughts.
i'm living in redding....
but why do i so often feel like i am living out the opening scenes of lost in translation? Where Bill Murray is sitting on his bed in his hotel room, completely alone in a city full of people. it is tragically funny. i can feel so busy and bored all at once, yet i can't figure out what exactly fills up all of my time.
Reasons why i feel SUPER (and by super i mean lame).
sara and jon get married in exactly one month. I am as single as ever.
my guitar strings have been on there since april so they have a nice dull tinny sound.
my car still has a tape deck (actually that is kind of cool)
noah gets to go see pedro and starflyer 59 at the glasshouse tonight while i get to make coffee for strangers.
i have a total of 24 dollars to my name, and about 500 in bills this month.
i once had a professor tell me "Hey! you may be getting a C in my class, but you are getting an A+ in LIFE!"
De Noir on tv
Hey guys! For all of you who know Adam Paulsen, Scott Harvey, Joel Hackett, Dave Peterson and Lisa Neil, and/or went to Simpson College with fond memories of shows in Mod 82, De Noir (the melding of Reckless Abandon and Candescent members) is going to be on tv tonight. Watch ABC's "Wife Swap" (I think it starts later). When they went to record their CD this summer, they went to the Aguierre's studio in Dallas while the Aguierre's were filming "wife swap." apparently, this super conservative mom had to be De Noir's merch girl at a bar one night. So hopefully they will be on there. This actually made the FRONT page news of Redding's newspaper "The Record Searchlight" which reminded me how boring redding can get sometimes. anyways, seeing friends on tv is fun.
coachella and amie the golddigger.
i am so excited for christmas this year! i won't have to be all by myself in seattle, for one, and two, i'm not living in huntington anymore so it will actually feel like christmas instead of a 70 degree december morning! my brother's 20 year old girlfriend wants a my little pony castle, and i for one want to get it for her. i'm all about toys this year, because the last few years of "practical adult gifts" isn't as much fun as when you were six years old and forcing yourself to sleep so santa could bring you the teenage mutant ninja turtle blimp you asked for (noah).
tonight amie and i drank tea (yes tea) and watched michael jackson videos all night. and then we made fun of stuff, which i always enjoy. someday, amie is going to move back to huntington and marry a rich man, start tanning, drape herself in gold lame' and platform flipflops, get a fabulous boobjob and botox in her lips and then she will be the worlds best OC trophy wife. She says she's "only joking" but I for one could see it happen. We HAVE to figure out how to get back to Coachella this year..... Last year I got my tickets for free so I am a little bummed I might have to pay this year. But I will be there, oh yes, I will. and I will have a campsite reserved WELL in advance. and I'll kick the ass of any ranger who tries to wake us up at 6am. stupid last year follies. (my apologies to derek and zack for the fines).
please.
save a blank page in your diary for me.
sigh.
So he would sulk and drink and mope
and cross his arms and hope to die.
And then a fairy came one night to bring this sorry boy to life.
She pulled some strings,
and spun him about.
That boy sprang up
and began to shout,
"My arms, my legs, my heart, my face
they are alive!"
And she would cry, "Liar, liar!
What have I done?
You're no lover, and I'm not fighter."
I wonder, in a year and half if I too will no longer feel pain and no longer feel deceived.
diefeesdie
i hate stupid bank of america.
today was "grown up" day. i take my little grown up folder where i have carefully filed away all my bills and loan agreements and pending payments, and i go for coffee and sit and have moments of adult responsibility where i organize my chaos into neat little packages, awaiting arrival from bill collectors.
sadly, because of stupid bank of america, "grown up day" will be further postponed until tuesday. they stuck me with overdraft fees that were the fault of starbuck's direct deposit, not my fault and "not bank of america's fault" so they won't reverse it. so the big beautiful bonus i got yesterday has been stolen away into their greedy little hands. and the woman on the phone yelled at me. so i said "thank you for your help, i will be in to close my ten year account on tuesday." and slam slam slam slam the receiver. (i would have liked to slam it anyway).
i know my problems are petty. but i was so excited at getting a christmas bonus (!) and now it is gone.
stupid dumb power charged bank people and their stupid dumbass fees.
but hooray! at least i get to go work at the job i hate for the next 8 hours.
you sang a sad song but nobody cried.
i want to drift apart from this moment, and wake up far away. at kerry park, in sweaters and scarves, clutching a latte from ladro in my hand while i watch the simultaneous movement of the buzz amidst seattle's skyline and the grace of ships floating through and out elliot bay. at turtle bay, with my little brother theo in the butterfly exhibit while he chases them in wonderment and laughter as i soak up the presence of child innocence. on an island, all alone where i am left with nothing but myself and my guitar and my complete dependence on God alone without the desire of trying to do it all on my own. with my horse on a hunterjumper course, back in my competition days. on my snowboard, before my car accident. emerging from the tiring darkness of the subways in new york city to walk the streets of harlem, with the occasional shuttle of falling leaves in their firey reds and lemon yellows. carpinteria, spring break 2001, making sand castles in the middle of thunderstorms, because he would never let anything ruin my vacation. dancing in the street at 4am because how could such a beautiful song be wasted on only our ears and not our bodies? diestlehorst bridge, because i haven't returned since august 8th, 2003. stuck in those moments where life is so full and beautifully readied with endless possibilities, and work is dissolved back into the non priority you treat it as; "something only to pass the time." i want to drift apart from this moment and wake up far away.
