weddings = social reunions.
yay!
peter and lauren get married on friday. and as much as i love weddings and celebrating marriage, i moreso love the social aspect of catching up with beautiful friends i so rarely see! and graham is coming! all the felsenthal's all at once. can you handle it? (allison?!) seriously can't wait for this wedding. it is going to be out of control.
venue possibilites
i know its crazy, but there may actually be the possibility of me running a venue. Or at least, be involved in the running of it.
There has been a vision from a friend of mine (very similar to my own vision) to open a venue in redding. One that is NOT a Chrisitan venue, but a place where people can come to be blessed in music, art, food and coffee nonetheless. About two months ago, I felt very challenged to assess my life and where I was at, and all the security I have in my job and all the money I make does not compare to the riches of my dreams. Where I am in life right now is something I could easily walk away from, to walk into something so much greater.
I have amazing friends who are so talented in music and art and design, clothes and more, and I have always wanted to create a medium for where those things could be expressed. There is a possibility of having a venue (daytime coffee shop) here in Redding. So we talked today and I shared my heart. He was blown away... "I had no idea"... to know I was on the same page.
Whether anything happens or not (it could be years from now), pray. And Lindsay, I will be calling on you to book some bands.
Everyone else, come play or move on up, I may have jobs for you.
job woes
i want to run a venue.
anybody wanna give me one?
In the fire
God has touched almost everything significant in my life within the last 2 weeks. I am going through more refining than i have known over a span of years, and i am going through it all at once. and i am being called to healing and passion and being called out to joy. the one song on my mind and my heart is repeatedly playing.... the song by Matt Redman
and i will fear no evil for my God is with me
and if my God is with me
who then shall i fear?
oh no you never let go through the calm and through the storms
oh no you never let go in every high and every low
oh no you never let go
no you never let go of me.
i am the energy train....
and you're about to get on board.
i started running. i found it is a healthy medium for which to exert and exhaust aggressive feelings.... much healthier than the alternatives of say drinking or smoking.
plus i need energy. and i need to get in shape. (i know i am tiny. tiny does not equal in shape.)
once, becca made me try pilates while she was living in fullerton. i did it for about 8 minutes, and then sat on the couch with jeremy eating chocolate while we watched becca continue her 45 minute workout. i bought a yoga tape in december, i've used it all of 3 times. i am not good at excersizing, or discipline. so noah (who comes home in ONE HOUR) is going to run with me this summer and turn me into a running machine. apparently i told him i would run the la marathon with him next year. my selective memory is trying really hard to recall that, without luck.
i bought new running shorts thinking maybe this would make me feel like a cool real runner. so now i will run just to wear my running shorts. seriously. i need inspiration wherever i can take it.
union.
after 2 delayed flights and much quality time spent in airport terminals....
i finally made it down to la.
and watched noah graduate from college.
i am so grateful for the amazing family i have. because i have a LOT of family. and both sides of my family (4 parents, 3 sisters, 5 brothers) can all be in the same room and be joyful. and that says a lot about the characters of each person. i may have two families, but i really have one giant family.
i had so much fun, amazing fun with my whole family, as short as the time was, it was cherished. watching graham go back to humboldt was hard, because as happy as i am for him, i am selfish and want my whole family to be together. hilary moved home, noah comes home tomorrow.... i just need to get nick and graham back to redding and i'd be set. but it would be selfish.
i missed everyone i did not see, but unforeseen circumstances do come up, and is understood.
and there will always be more opportunities.
i am a walking train wreck.
here is what i did today:
got up
got dressed for my district meeting
dropped an entire desert i was taking to said district meeting on kitchen floor.
got in car.
drove towards safeway to buy new desert to take to district meeting.
got in a car accident.
yep, I have had this car for slightly over 2 months now, which I got as a result of my previous car accident in september. other guy's car is totaled...... the verdict is still out on mine.
weakness.
so i am facing quite a turn of events for my life.
this little thing we go through in our twenties called 'soul searching' (the title leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.) i am the half of whats left of a former couple. i am facing more debt at 25 than i would have cared to accrue in my entire lifetime. i am learning what it looks like to truly love unconditionally and selflessly, and how hard that is.
i feel like i have gotten to a place where I look at God the way I look at famous artists/ musicians/ actors what have you. Truly more people I have great respect for and do not know personally. You can admire someone and say "Wow I just love them! They are so amazing and lovely and good and I want to emulate them in every way possible."
I love them, but I don't know them. I admire them, but I do not seek a further understanding of them.
It has been this way so long I don't even know how to approach changing it.
My baby step conversations in the last few days with God have mainly consisted of "I want to say I'm hurting. I want to say I'm broken. I want to say I want to know you again." But I don't know how to say them.
Writing this post is probably the most vulnerable I have been able to be in front of God for so long now. This post is the closest thing I have had to sincere prayer.
