poeticsofdescription

happy thanksgiving!

happy thanksgiving everyone!
today was so great... i had my whole family here and joey came too which was so entertaining. i miss my brother noah so much, so any chance to see him is great. I am closer to him than any other sibling, we connect on so many crazy levels of life. living in redding while he is in LA is just weird... i wish he could be here. Last year I was working a 10 hour day at Starbucks in Huntington Beach, and co-workers were kind enough to bring me and amie (who also had to work that day) plates of leftovers from their meals. so i went home (alone), heated the leftovers, and camped on the couch to watch a marathon of FRIENDS. it was a sucky day, holiday spent alone.
so anyway, my brother nick is this way hardcore photographer who has all of this insane equipment.... shadowbox cameras and tripods and lighting and foil umbrella thingys... so he brought it down from Boise. He wanted to take "family portraits" (more like group photos at thanksgiving) but he is so meticulous that he drove everyone crazy because it took so long to set up. In fact, he is still taking pictures in the other room. anyways, we were doing "family portrait", and since joey was there, he got to take all of the pictures! yay for joey! i thought he should be in it so we could be like "yeah, look, this is our family portrait and joey's in it." Kind of like how when you are at Disneyland and you see people taking pictures, you purposefully try to get into the background of their photos? same idea. but way more ultimate.
there are 7 children in my family, and all of us are very different. Being at dinner with my family is always like being at the circus, but so much more fun. It's pretty crazy, because we are all very loud. Today just re-inforced more and more why I have moved home. See, so much has been going on with my family, my Grandmother has been slowly losing her sense of reason and logic. We are really praying that this is more senil dimentia and less early signs of alzheimers. For the most part, she is just completely normal, and then other times, it's like you can't figure out what she is thinking and doing. It has been pretty stressful on my family, because she is the most amazing grandma. for my aunt and my dad, it has been especially hard, because as they try to take care of her, she is so defensive because she feels like they are constantly ganging up on her. It is the perfect example of one of the toughest forms of love.
My youngest sister is 14 and she is going through the absolute hardest time right now. She reminds me so much of myself at 14 because she is dealing so much with some of the same depression and anxiety that i did at 14. I know nobody else in our family can relate to her, because they really have not suffered the same way. I want to be here for her so badly, and we are very close, but it is still hard sometimes because as much as i have been there, i know she always feels like no one understands. i hurt for her so much, and that is why i am so happy i am here with her and not feeling helpless for her in seattle instead. even if i can do nothing, i am at least available. because really, that is all i can do, is just be here.
I have the worst complex as the oldest child; wanting to always help and always fix, always be the diplomatic one. But even at the gate Beautiful, when there were so many sick and afflicted people there, Jesus didn't heal everyone (even though he was more than capable). And I have to constantly remind myself that I don't have to "heal" everyone. I am not called to that. But it still can be so hard.
Being here, surrounded by my family, feeling like I am at the circus, I could not be happier right now.
Happy thanksgiving everyone!

posted by nina @ 8:29 PM