poeticsofdescription

Why I am a klutz.

2008-12-16T14:27:00.001-08:00

3:30AM- Alarm goes off, hit snooze button. Knock the glass of water off my nightstand, soaking my bed and floor.

3:39AM- Alarm goes off again. Get out of bed, trip over cat. Cat is not happy, and neither is my ankle.

4AM- Burn myself with curling iron.

4:25AM- Walk up to store front where my other opener is waiting. Not paying attention to where I am going, trip on sidewalk step, stumble into door. My barista laughs at me.

9:15AM- On lunch break. Sitting at desk. Not taking chances.

10:20AM- Slip on spilled coffee running to the backroom for lids. Customers gasp "OH!". Brusing on hip ensues.

11:30AM- Stocking front bar fridge with milk. Stand up right as barista is reaching over my head to set a cup on the counter. Ram the top of my head right into his very pointy elbow. Headache ensues.

12:15PM- Standing on ladder, putting coffee cambro high on a shelf. Lid falls off, hits me on head. Supervisor catches me before falling off ladder. Another headache.

12:16PM- Replace lid to cambro, set back on shelf, lid falls off AGAIN. More headache.

12:45PM- Opening cardboard boxes, skin my knuckles.

12:48PM- Opening bags of salt for water softening system, get salt in knuckle wounds. PAIN.

1PM- Boss comes into my store. Asks how day is going. Team giggles and relays my accidents of the day. Supervisor informs Boss "Nina would find a way to hurt herself if she was locked in a padded room."

Countdown continues!

2008-12-09T09:46:00.000-08:00

Today we find out if Kenny comes home on leave early. One of his cadres told him yesterday that instead of sending everybody to their AIT schools for a week, they will probably just send everybody on leave this Friday. Which means he would be home a week early. Which means party time.

When I started dating Kenny, I had a revelation. In dating somebody in the military, I realized I knew absolutely nothing about the military. Nothing. So in order to educate myself on what this lifestyle meant and what he was doing each day, I became completely addicted to goarmy.com.

Now I am an expert. To the point where we will be having a conversation and I will correct him. Sample:

(Kenny): I think my BAH allowance starts once I graduate from AIT school.

(Me): No it can start immeadiately, but since you don't have dependants, your rate will be different as an E-3.

Kenny's parents have also been amazing in helping me understand "military life". They are just amazing in general. We went out for Mexican food and ice cream the other night in downtown sac and it was seriously such a fun night out!

I appreciate the fact that I am with somebody who truly values me for me. Last night I asked my republican soldier boyfriend "Did you ever think you would be dating a democrat who voted for Obama?" and he said "That is something I completely respect and appreciate about you."

It is so good to be able to be yourself.

it may be the two beers i just drank....

2008-12-08T23:15:00.001-08:00

tonight i have youtubed several country music videos, including:

carrie underwood (seriously just about everything...)
rascall flatts (God bless the broken road)
brad paisley (whom i have a ridiculous crush on)
old crow medicine crow (another ridiculous crush. on the whole band.)
Other than old crow medicine show (who are AMAZING) I can't explain this behavior.

also? I have been googling random things. like paul rudd (again. ridiculous crush.) Here are some of the reasons i like paul rudd:

big secret pizza partys.
the scene in clueless where his character is listening to radiohead.
because he was mike on friends. FRIENDS!
the hair and mustache he sported in anchorman.
and on that note? bits of real panther.

Top 5 for today.

2008-12-04T21:29:00.000-08:00

1.Book:
Any Jen Lancaster book.
(Sorry fellas, this is completely chick lit. Girls, start with Bitter is the New Black. The funniest, bitchiest bio I have ever read. Completely modern, completely relatable.)

2. Brew:
Celebration Ale by Sierra Nevada.
(Why does this season generate such great beer? I love seasonals, but Winter always seems to bring out the best ales. yum.)

3. Music:
Day and Age by the Killers. um, and just about anything country.
(I'm not really sure how this country phase started, but it may have something to do with me watching the CMA's last month. and liking it. a lot. like really really liking it. I love grass roots and folk, and now it turns out i like country. and I am FINE with that.)

4. Movie:
ELF
(I love this movie. I love that at Christmas I can watch it a lot because it is so season appropriate. I watched it twice in one day last week. because I kind of had nothing to do that day but clean house so I kept it rolling in the background for 4 hours.)

5. Countdown:
December 19th.
(Kenny comes home on leave! Too ridiculously excited!!! YIPPEE!)

Here's to homies on lock for insider trading.

2008-11-27T17:31:00.000-08:00

Horse Tales.

2008-11-27T09:12:00.001-08:00

Sunday I took the day to help my step-mom, Jenny, trailer her horse Beau down to UC Davis.

Rewind: Beau had a tooth pulled earlier this year because of an infection. The aftermath of his pulled tooth created a subsequent infection reaching up to his sinus cavities, well into his head. Knowing he was sick and that there were complications, our vet did a camera scope of his sinuses to see if they could diagnose the problem. What they found was far more disturbig than a sinus infection, and this is how he ended up at UCD.

Beau went through a CT scan on Monday morning which showed he has a tumor growing in the ethmoid turbin of the left side of his head. It extends through the cavity next to his sinuses and pushes back on the crest bone separating his ethmoid structure from his brain. The tumor is laced with melenoma, and is essentially untreatable.

The sinus infection from his tooth is completely unrelated, but it is how we discovered the tumor. In a way, it is rather fortuitous that he needed his tooth pulled.

Monday, Jenny came down with my dad for the procedure. Being "patients" we were not allowed into the CT scan, but luckily my good friend Ann is a senior vet student at UCD and was able to sit in on the procedure. I appreciated her taking the time to invest in Beau. It meant a lot. There was a team of about 20 people in the room; radiologists, oncologists, DVMs and vet students. When the CT scan was completed, we went into a viewing room with a doctor to discuss the findings. From a scientific perspective, it was rather fascinating. The pictures inside his head were incredible, and you could see everything: the infected mass, the tumor, and the counterside of his head which showed what healthy turbins should look like. From a horse lovers perspective, it was devestating. I was thankful that as we spoke with the doctor, I was slightly behind Jenny. This meant she couldn't see me as I started crying, and I didn't want to be the one to set everybody else off.

Jenny's composure was so impressive to me. This is her baby, her horse. He is seriously the best horse ever, so loyal, so well trained. They diagnosed him with a solid 6 months to a year left, but knowing Beau, he is such a fighter and I am hanging on for 2 years.

Tuesday morning he was scoped for a biopsy, so when they finished at 10am, I went to take him carrots, and take him walking. I was afraid he'd be lethargic from the sedation, but he seemed alert and happy. He'd been in a stall for two days, and knowing he would be standing in a trailer for 3 hours, I wanted to make sure he was loose and limber. I took him walking, and immeadiately he got so perky and spunky. He was whinning, prancing, and just generally happy. I think he knew the procedures were over. Looking at him, being so normal, being so "Beau", I just couldn't understand how a horse this wonderful could be diagnosed with something so untreatable.

It's never easy to have an animal get sick, but it is a very different feeling when you have a horse get sick. It isn't like a cat, it is like a member of the family.

ah friends. i do love you.

2008-11-22T23:55:00.001-08:00

Redding.

Such a draw.

But then again, we all understand that, don't we?

I had the most fun I have had in a long while last night, and for no other reason then I was at the eatery in the company of wonderful people, great conversation and good beer. (It could've been great beer, but they were out of my first choices. I settled for North Star. Though, sidenote, I do enjoy NorthStar and I am all for supporting our local microbrew!)

And on that note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY COVERDALE! next week.

It isn't that I don't enjoy Sacramento. I do, I truly do. I have a great group of friends down there and an amazing church. There is always so much more to do AND they just opened an HM at the roseville galleria. Which, to me and many other girls I know, is a draw.

There is something unique about the community you find in Redding, and that is something I will always have a great love and appreciaton for.

sacramento music woes.

2008-11-21T14:12:00.000-08:00

I spent Tuesday night with Allison at Harlow's watching Minus the Bear play. We also briefly watched some crap metal band with an Andrew WK look alike lead singer and bootylicious bass player chick. Then we decided after songs one and a half that the patio seemed much more inviting and a nice place for a beer before watching mtb.

The people-watching alone was fantastic. Allsion and I are both vocal and snarky, so we had quite the enjoyable time!

Here is the thing that frustrates me about the Sacramento music scene and also what I kind of love about it:

NOBODY comes out for live music here.

It makes me both embarassed for our city and yet strangely satisifed that I got to share in on an intimate show.

When Noah and I went to see Damien Jurado play last month, there were all of maybe a dozen plus people there. How is a song writer so fantastic not drawing a larger crowd in a big city? Also, on Sunday I drove out to the Boardwalk in orangevale to see bright light fever (local) and jaguar love play. SHOW CANCELED. And not rescheduled. by a local band. Come on local band! Show your city some love!

This is only so important to me because seeing live music of (almost) any kind is something I truly enjoy so much. After living in Redding (very few live music opportuinities) and moving to Sacramento (many many more live music opportunities) I have tried to take as much advantage of this as possible. But when SNR (Sac news and review.... mostly reliable for upcoming music) says that live jazz will be playing on Friday night at Old Ironsides and then you show up to Old Ironsides to find out Danny Secretion (not a fan) is playing, it's a touch dissapointing.

I'm off to Dimple Records to have my canceled show tickets refunded.

clean start.

2008-11-20T20:04:00.000-08:00

This is something i miss.
i miss having this connection to people i know and care about. who inspire me. who write about their lives, the interesting, the mundane, the thoughts and the musings.

i will revive this blog. even thought i have promised this like a gajillion times, i will do it!

luckily for me, i now have access to a computer and internet. not since living with the lovely roommate amy have i been blessed with this luxury, but now (lucky me!) i have an amazing man in my life who has provided me with this opportunity of computer and connection to the outside world.

oh lovely internet and the ways you trap me in your web.

about me now:
i live in sacramento (fine. woodland. sucksville)
i still manage a starbucks (sometimes sucksville, sometimes awesome-town)
my hair is long.
i drink a lot of coffee (not new).
i read a lot of books.
i play a lot of guitar.
i ride a lot of horses.
i go to a lot of shows.
i do a lot of karaoke with my friends ken and silvia. because it, and they? are awesome.
i have two cats (yes, I am THAT girl)

missing redding..... missing my family.....

Today, my friend Nicolette sent me this text message:

"You will never know love until you surrender to it"

Ah beautiful new beginnings.

jury jury jury.

2008-01-17T16:28:00.000-08:00

I seved on my very first jury trial this week!

It was actually totally interesting..... just being in the courtroom and seeing how a trial unfolds before you and being apart of that was pretty cool. The trial itself was.... I don't want to say laughable.... but all of us on the jury were a little surprised at the charges. Not to downplay it all, because I sincerely believe every person deserves a fair trial, but the defendant was being charged with stealing two packs of batteries from Safeway. Batteries. We found him not guilty.

SO....

Celebrated a bit last night with a trip to carnegies and the squire, and then went horseback riding today. It has been unbelievably great weather here, sunny and crisp. I love when it feels this way. It is perfect weather.

okay, i meant it.

2007-09-19T19:26:00.000-07:00

alright.

So really, I am back. I just haven't had enough interesting things to write about in the last week. It has been a pretty repetitive existence lately; wake, go to work, go home, nap, go for a drink, go to sleep. not that that is bad, just a touch mundane.

here is my list of things i am currently enjoying:
coldstone ice cream. big servings of it.
the office season 3.
gin and tonics at the squire room.
late night laugh sessions with an old friend.
rain.
not having a car (back in the shop) and walking everywhere. i love living downtown.
the new pinback cd.

here is a list of the things I am looking forward to:

st. louis: yes, I am going to visit becca and darren. i will buy my ticket on friday.
theo's 8th birthday. and, subsequently, noah and graham coming home for a visit.
the loads of music noah is bringing me.
having my car fixed so i can sell it. and rid myself of the curse.
pint night at carnegie's (in about 2 hours...)
fall foliage.
the new phil wickham cd.

i am trying to figure out how to move to London. Starbucks has a lot of job opportunities there, and i am single and tied down to absolutely nothing, so why not? i think it could be really great.

refresh.

2007-09-15T10:44:00.000-07:00

It's been four and a half months.

If nobody reads this, I will understand. I would've given up long ago.

But I'm trying to make a comeback, so look out blogging community! nina's back.

moved.

2007-04-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

Today I am 26 years old. Yippee.

So the last two months have held some changes, and one of the reasons I am never on here. A month ago, I moved downtown to my own little two bedroom house that is so fantastic I can barely stand it! Me and my cat. Amy gets married in June, but I was ready to go and found the perfect place. I love living on my own, its quiet and clean and reassuring to know that when I leave my house, I will return to it in the exact same state I left it in. I don't have internet yet, but living downtown means I am in walking distance to Breaking New Grounds coffee shop, where I can get on the web for free. Yay for that! I may have a roommate for a bit, a friend who needs a place for awhile, but that would be great because she is fabulous, and I could use the money right now.
For almost two weeks, however, I have been housesitting (babysitting) for my dad and stepmom, because they are in France and Malta visiting my sister. So i have been taking care of a horse, two great danes, three fat cats, a gold fish and a sixteen year old. Heidi and I are both so busy that we are hardly home except to sleep, but its been fun. We went out all day Saturday and caught a movie, shopped and ate out. Good times. But I am so looking forward to going home. I just moved in, I'd like to enjoy it. I have to drive over everyday to make sure my cat is fed and that my plants aren't all dying (which they are.)
I am on my way to Carnegie's for birthday lunch with my mom and Graham. We will also be back tonight for pint night, my favorite :)
So probably the biggest thing for me right now is pursuing job development and change with Starbucks. I am coming up on 7 years in the stores, and I am looking to move onto a job in a Regional Office here in the future. I know I am closing in on store burn-out, and I don't ever want to be that kind of manager. I would love to go into Marketing, and there are some things opening in Chicago, so I've made some contacts on that to check it out, we'll see. I had fun in that city. I also applied recently to be on what is called a "Star Team" which is a team that goes and open stores in Cross-cultural markets. I have applied to go to India, and help with store openings in Dehli. I qualify almost completely, but don't meet a couple of requirements. I am hoping my degree and experience will give me an in, so I'm not getting my hopes up, but I sure would love to go! It would be for almost a month.
That's that.

bus ride. or lacking.

2007-02-25T14:43:00.000-08:00

Today's funny story, or "nina incident".

My car is going to be in the shop until next weekend while they get the radiator and head gasket replaced (not my fault) and any other problems they uncover (and, inevitably, they will) so I have been hitching rides from friends and family all week. Sundays are busy days for everyone I know, so I decided this would be a good day to figure out how to use "RABA", Redding's bus system. I got out my phone book and looked it up since I had no idea where to even find it. The map was kind of confusing, but I got the information I needed.

The closest bus stop to the manor is a ways away toward Cypress and Hemsted, but a nice walk. I needed to go pick some stuff at my store, so I figured it would be pretty easy to get downtown. I got my backpack together (to carry all the stuff) and started my trek. It's been pretty nice all day, so I wore flip flops. Mistake number one. Not fun to walk long distances in.

I finally got to the bust stop and checked out the map. The number 5 goes right downtown so I was really excited and sat down on the little bench to wait, backpack on my lap. I sat. and I waited. I made some phone calls. And then I waited some more. And so I was staring at the bus stop sign, when I realized it said "Monday through Friday, 630am to 730pm. Saturday, 930am to 730pm."

And no mention of Sundays.

How on earth did I miss this little gem of information? I even looked in the frickin phone book.

So I kept on walking down the street, deciding I would go to a grocery store. I stopped at this great little Indo China market, and got some fun stuff I haven't seen since I lived in China, so I was really excited about that. Then I went to Raley's and got a bunch of groceries. Then I had to stuff them all in my back pack and carry them home. I got a lot of heavy stuff. It was a really long walk back. All in all humorous and not successful.

toygers.

2007-02-23T13:40:00.000-08:00

go here. i have to get me one of these!

http://www.life.com/Life/article/0,26385,1588202,00.html

Journey home

2007-02-14T14:12:00.000-08:00

Back from Chi town...

I could describe it all in one word: Bittersweet.

I am so glad I got away for awhile, and into a world that is completely not my own. It was good, and eye opening. I forgot how much I love living in cities, and I doubt it is something I will want to be doing when I am older, so I feel as if I should be taking advantage of that time now. Highlights from this trip include:

Seeing Josh and being able to hang out as our 8-years-later-grown-up versions of ourselves.
A city that doesn't shut down at 11pm.
I am so used to having nothing but microbrew selections here, I have never ever drank so much Miller in my whole life. And it was good, and it makes you dance a lot.
Beer that is better than Miller.
Going to Hangge-uppes to dance. I am guessing on that spelling.
Playing darts, pool and table shuffleboard.
Ransom. There are no words to describe this kid, except maybe toxiuricity. And managing to pour a whole beer on ourselves while dancing. Soberly, nonetheless.
Museums, Zoos, and Aquariums.
The Kings beating the Bulls. Norcal represent.
Beautiful Lake Michigan.
More games of "Music Scene It!" Then you can handle.
The Shins! It was a really fantastic show.
Not needing a car, and being able to walk or take a train or taxi everywhere.
Snow. lots and lots of snow.
Food. lots and lots of good food. Particularly the Steak Vesuvio at the argentinian steakhouse.
Good, honest conversation with a friend you know you'll be connected to forever.

Life is funny that way.
But I gotta say it... leaving 2 degree snowy Chicago was okay. Nothing beats flip flops and the California sunshine!

New Town

2007-02-12T18:35:00.000-08:00

I am ready to move to a new city, and I am taking your suggestions.
What do you all think?

friend, drink and entertainment pastimes.

2007-01-31T21:03:00.000-08:00

I am on the phone with my friend Colby.
He will entertain me to no end with stories that he has mostly made up. Although he claims they are autobiographical, I know they are mostly not true. But it is entertaining.

I bought Little Miss Sunshine and have already watched it 3 times. If you haven't seen it (which I don't believe that you haven't) do it now. It's hilarious.

I am taking a vacation on tuesday and going to Chicago for a week. It will be freezing and snowing and wonderful. And I am going to see the Shins while I am there! So fun times all around. And I get to see a friend I haven't seen in almost 8 years. Party all week!

Colby and I are going to go drink and watch The Office. Good friends, good drink, and the office. Three ingredients for a great party.

i love ponies.

2007-01-30T21:57:00.000-08:00

my blog would be worlds more interesting if i only new how to post pictures. help me.

life is simple and beautiful these days.
i am horseback riding a lot, dressage mostly. I have at least three shows I have commited to competing in late spring, which i am so totally stoked for! I got new, beautiful tall black leather riding boots today, and i love them.
i am still recovering from when i ditched going at a full gallop last month. When I landed on the railroad ties framing our arena, I split my elbow, fractured my wrist, bruised my legs and bloodied my back. it was ridiculously painful, but i was riding within 2 weeks. I am still waiting for my wrist to heal.

the weather here has been like early spring, in the sixties and sunny. very much lake weather if the lake weren't so damn cold and low.... i would be there.....

I am going through one of those phases where I really love my job. I am hoping this lasts. I have to drive to Sacramento tomorrow for a meeting, but I am excited for it. I will get to see Sam! yay for that!!

Amy and I have been living it up lushfully. Good roommate-drinking-times...

Things I love right now:
Horses and barn chores.
sunshine and crisp air.
Jessica and Nancy. and their willingness to drive me to the airport at 2am!
pomegranate martinis.
Graham living in Redding.
Friends who kidnap you.

Things I miss right now:
Snow.
Southern California.
My frinds outside of Redding who I rarely see.
coffee. (I cut back. it's been hell.)
Noah living in Redding.
Road tripping.

In other news, Amy is getting married in June and I have no idea what I am doing when she does. There are no roommates left in Redding. It's a small town, and you've all either moved or gotten married. Maybe I will move back down South... I've been thinking about it.

i did it!

2006-12-12T20:56:00.000-08:00

I got my tree. with my convertible. in the pouring rain.

my car is probably ruined.....

It reminds me of this one time in college, becca and i were driving evan's car, and somehow managed to get it stuck in the mud atop a tree trunk, in torrential downpour. Meanwhile, at that moment, Evan was returning home from Thailand whence he had entrusted me to keep his car safe and protected. Becca and I, covered in mud, could not get his car unstuck even after many honorable attempts using rope and jacks and girl logic. Lucky evan, I think he borrowed someone's truck to pull it out. I can't remember, I've blocked that part of the memory.

Either way, it was ridiculous.

and it spreads like wildfire...

2006-12-11T22:03:00.000-08:00

11 LAYERS OF YOU

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE
Name: Nina Cecily
Birth date: april 25
Current Location: Redding,CA
Eye Color: green
Hair Color: blonde
Righty or Lefty: ambidextrous
Zodiac Sign: taurus

LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE
Your heritage: german jewish. that's right.
Your fears: clowns, ferrets, settling.
Your weakness: peet's coffee, gamay beajoulais, baked brie, shopping at target.
Your perfect pizza: shasta pizza co freaky tiki.
Goal you'd like to achieve: competing stadium jumping grand prix

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW:
Your thoughts first waking up: damn myself for scheduling me to work this early.
Your bedtime: anywhere from 8pm to 1am.
Your most missed memory: jgs.

LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK:
Pepsi or Coke: coffee.
McDonald's or Burger King: coffee.
Single or group dates: ask me the last time that happened.
Adidas or Nike: barefoot or rainbows.
Lipton Tea or Nestea: coffee.
Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla.
Cappuccino or coffee: coffee.

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?
Take a shower: yep.
Have a crush? um.
Think you've been in love: um.
Want to get married? do we have to put a timeline on this?
Believe in yourself: more often than not.
Think you're a health freak: foodwise? definitely yes. excercise? definitely NO.

LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH
Gone to the mall: crap, yes.
Been on stage: yes
Been dumped: no
Gone skating: like at the roller rink?
Dyed your hair: no

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER
Played a stripping game: no
Gotten beaten up: no
Changed who you were to fit in: haven't we all?

LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLD
Age your hoping to be married: again, with the timeline....
Age you wanna have kids: 30 at the latest?

LAYER NINE: IN A GIRL/GUY
Best eye color: anything bright.
Best hair color: i tend to like darker
Short or long hair: either, but i prefer longer.

LAYER TEN: WHAT WERE YOU DOING
1 MINUTE AGO: this?
1 HOUR AGO: watching the virgin suicides
1 YEAR AGO: pretty much the same thing i am doing now.

LAYER 11:FINISH THE SENTENCE
I LOVE: creating. and autumn.
I FEEL: joy.
I HATE: not having a christmas tree.
I HIDE: my vulnerabilities.
I MISS: the deadlines for paying bills ontime too often.
I NEED: to clean my room.

How to get a Christmas tree....

2006-12-09T15:02:00.000-08:00

When you don't own a truck.

amy is gone at mechelle's wedding (sad, i am not there) so i think i am going to take the next 2 days and make it feel like Christmas... which means first and foremost getting a tree.

So here is how I am going to go about it.

Once this damn rain lets up, I am going to drive west, hike through a forest and chop down a tree. i will drag said tree through the forest to my car, where I will put the convertible top down and stick it in my backseat. I will drive into town wearing scarves and mittens and a tree hanging out of my convertible. truly Californian. And I will do it purely for the comic relief of the strangers staring at me.
It's what you got to do when you don't own a truck.

end hiatus.

2006-12-05T19:08:00.000-08:00

if anyone ever still checks or reads this:

I apologize for the hiatus. How did i get so busy and what exactly have i been filling my time with? I honestly do not know. The updates aren't as much "updates" are they are "continuings" in my life. So i will do my best.

I still live at the manor. with amy.
amy got engaged, so I will once again lose a lovely roommate.
i will probably move home. it is not as pathetic and sad as it sounds, i swear. in my crazy wonderful family, living at home is like living in a commune with roommates of all ages. Plus, now that I am the ONLY single person i know, who else will i live with?

i still manage the starbucks downtown, and love it. i have the most amazing team, including nancy persons nee fluharty, who we all know and love. She and I are RIDICULOUS together. so so much fun.

We had crazy good thanksgiving with my whole family (minus natalie, my france habitating sister) complete with good conversation, good food, and good wine. and plenty of all three.

NEW THINGS!
this is new. I have been horse back riding a LOT. I decided I wanted to event in spring, hopefully in stadium jumping, and working towards dressage and cross-country by the end of next year. One of our horses just had major surgery (scary) and is out until february, So I am riding my aunt's andalusian. He is this INCREDIBLE creature, and I feel blessed at the opportunity to ride him! He looks like a Lippizaner, those fancy shmancy horses from portugal. And I am schooling someone else's horse once a week, so that will keep me occupied.

I will be spending two weeks in Europe in april, mostly in France visiting my sister, and in London visiting sarah (noah's girlfriend). Linda, I need your reccomendations.

I love love love my church. I am in a small group that is about to launch with these amazing other girls (women? i guess we are women now...?) So I am thankful for that.

My life is simple and consists of few things. But I could not feel more blessed.

I'm coming down to LA

2006-09-02T20:33:00.000-07:00

I will be driving down with Noah on Tuesday. I will fly home on Saturday. I am pretty sure I am staying with Becca part of the time. I have absolutely no agenda planned, but
I would LOVE to see anyone who is around... especially since I missed evan's wedding... that is a sad story.... nonetheless i hope i see you all!!

i got burned.

2006-07-23T16:25:00.000-07:00

like crispy burned. i look like a cherry tomato. i am so burnt my nose actually has this gnarly little blister on it. never ever again will i spend all day at the lake without sunscreen. i am qickly becoming the greatest advocate for skin protection.... because being this burnt feels like hell.

in other news....

i went and saw the fray and augustana play in sacramento on tuesday. augustana was amazing. i am pretty sure they were all stoned, but they put on such a great show, and all their new stuff is very organic and folksy. i really enjoyed it. the lead singer looks like this great combination of johnny depp as captain jack and kurt cobain in the months leading up to his death. the fray on the other hand.... i love the fray but they sucked live. they actually started out with a pretty strong set, but it turned into what i can only describe as a very akward piano recital with the lead singer trying hard to ride the coattails of chris martin. we didn't even stay for the entire thing, which is unusual for me. all in all it was a great night, interesting but great.

i am so blessed.

2006-07-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

i could not imagine being happier right now. even in the midst of lifes trials, that may be never ceasing, all i have is joy, all i have is thanks.

my list of thankfulness right now:

my stephanies.
dog beach. and boats.
carnegie's pint night.
my beautiful friends, their beautiful lives.
worship.
dog beach ( i know i said it, but it has been so good to me lately...)
my amazing family.
iced coffee.
ten dollar bets and the martini bar.
distance from pain.
closeness of all things new.
new cds.
my cat.
jesus. his life.
the discovery channel at 1am.
surprise visits.

this list could easily go on and on.

hammer time.

2006-06-25T19:54:00.000-07:00

I was driving home from church this evening listening to the radio (yes....) and i was listening to jack fm which is pretty reliable for an eclectic play list. tonight was no different as MC Hammer came over the airwaves singing

U Can't Touch This.

Only in Redding would that be played without being requested. It was awesome.

new beginnings

2006-06-09T19:29:00.000-07:00

my little sister natalie graduated high school last night.
except she is not my little sister anymore. She is a completely grown up version of her child-like self. Now with new starts, new beginnings. She is moving to France for a year, and I am so excited and yet it breaks my heart because I will miss her so much. My sister... with the same quirkiness, love for coffee and penchant for shoes as me.
I can't wait to visit her.
it was so strange to step onto my high school campus. I don't think I have been there since my own graduation, 7 years ago. Even when Noah and Graham graduated high school, I just went straight to the ceremony on the football field, not anywhere near the main buildings.
Why is it that my future seemed so much clearer when I was in high school? you go to college, get a job, get married have kids and live your life.

I went to college....

I think I like it better this way, no plans no ideas. But I sure could use a new beginning for myself.

weddings = social reunions.

2006-05-24T19:41:00.000-07:00

yay!
peter and lauren get married on friday. and as much as i love weddings and celebrating marriage, i moreso love the social aspect of catching up with beautiful friends i so rarely see! and graham is coming! all the felsenthal's all at once. can you handle it? (allison?!) seriously can't wait for this wedding. it is going to be out of control.

venue possibilites

2006-05-20T19:33:00.000-07:00

i know its crazy, but there may actually be the possibility of me running a venue. Or at least, be involved in the running of it.

There has been a vision from a friend of mine (very similar to my own vision) to open a venue in redding. One that is NOT a Chrisitan venue, but a place where people can come to be blessed in music, art, food and coffee nonetheless. About two months ago, I felt very challenged to assess my life and where I was at, and all the security I have in my job and all the money I make does not compare to the riches of my dreams. Where I am in life right now is something I could easily walk away from, to walk into something so much greater.
I have amazing friends who are so talented in music and art and design, clothes and more, and I have always wanted to create a medium for where those things could be expressed. There is a possibility of having a venue (daytime coffee shop) here in Redding. So we talked today and I shared my heart. He was blown away... "I had no idea"... to know I was on the same page.
Whether anything happens or not (it could be years from now), pray. And Lindsay, I will be calling on you to book some bands.
Everyone else, come play or move on up, I may have jobs for you.

job woes

2006-05-14T15:56:00.000-07:00

i want to run a venue.
anybody wanna give me one?

In the fire

2006-05-13T20:59:00.000-07:00

God has touched almost everything significant in my life within the last 2 weeks. I am going through more refining than i have known over a span of years, and i am going through it all at once. and i am being called to healing and passion and being called out to joy. the one song on my mind and my heart is repeatedly playing.... the song by Matt Redman

and i will fear no evil for my God is with me
and if my God is with me
who then shall i fear?
oh no you never let go through the calm and through the storms
oh no you never let go in every high and every low
oh no you never let go
no you never let go of me.

i am the energy train....

2006-05-10T19:58:00.000-07:00

and you're about to get on board.

i started running. i found it is a healthy medium for which to exert and exhaust aggressive feelings.... much healthier than the alternatives of say drinking or smoking.
plus i need energy. and i need to get in shape. (i know i am tiny. tiny does not equal in shape.)

once, becca made me try pilates while she was living in fullerton. i did it for about 8 minutes, and then sat on the couch with jeremy eating chocolate while we watched becca continue her 45 minute workout. i bought a yoga tape in december, i've used it all of 3 times. i am not good at excersizing, or discipline. so noah (who comes home in ONE HOUR) is going to run with me this summer and turn me into a running machine. apparently i told him i would run the la marathon with him next year. my selective memory is trying really hard to recall that, without luck.

i bought new running shorts thinking maybe this would make me feel like a cool real runner. so now i will run just to wear my running shorts. seriously. i need inspiration wherever i can take it.

union.

2006-05-09T21:49:00.000-07:00

after 2 delayed flights and much quality time spent in airport terminals....
i finally made it down to la.
and watched noah graduate from college.

i am so grateful for the amazing family i have. because i have a LOT of family. and both sides of my family (4 parents, 3 sisters, 5 brothers) can all be in the same room and be joyful. and that says a lot about the characters of each person. i may have two families, but i really have one giant family.
i had so much fun, amazing fun with my whole family, as short as the time was, it was cherished. watching graham go back to humboldt was hard, because as happy as i am for him, i am selfish and want my whole family to be together. hilary moved home, noah comes home tomorrow.... i just need to get nick and graham back to redding and i'd be set. but it would be selfish.

i missed everyone i did not see, but unforeseen circumstances do come up, and is understood.
and there will always be more opportunities.

i am a walking train wreck.

2006-05-05T15:14:00.000-07:00

here is what i did today:
got up
got dressed for my district meeting
dropped an entire desert i was taking to said district meeting on kitchen floor.
got in car.
drove towards safeway to buy new desert to take to district meeting.
got in a car accident.

yep, I have had this car for slightly over 2 months now, which I got as a result of my previous car accident in september. other guy's car is totaled...... the verdict is still out on mine.

weakness.

2006-05-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

so i am facing quite a turn of events for my life.
this little thing we go through in our twenties called 'soul searching' (the title leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.) i am the half of whats left of a former couple. i am facing more debt at 25 than i would have cared to accrue in my entire lifetime. i am learning what it looks like to truly love unconditionally and selflessly, and how hard that is.
i feel like i have gotten to a place where I look at God the way I look at famous artists/ musicians/ actors what have you. Truly more people I have great respect for and do not know personally. You can admire someone and say "Wow I just love them! They are so amazing and lovely and good and I want to emulate them in every way possible."
I love them, but I don't know them. I admire them, but I do not seek a further understanding of them.
It has been this way so long I don't even know how to approach changing it.
My baby step conversations in the last few days with God have mainly consisted of "I want to say I'm hurting. I want to say I'm broken. I want to say I want to know you again." But I don't know how to say them.
Writing this post is probably the most vulnerable I have been able to be in front of God for so long now. This post is the closest thing I have had to sincere prayer.

roommate date.

2006-04-27T18:33:00.000-07:00

tonight we are going to carnegie's.
and we will eat drink and be merry and forget our cares in this world, the daily drudgery, and all that drags us down.
plus, they have newcastle on tap, so why not?

auctions.

2006-04-23T17:42:00.000-07:00

i love e-bay!

pastimes.

2006-04-18T16:44:00.000-07:00

I went to a show on Friday night at Mod 82.
Yes, the one and only. strange re-visit to that setting.

I have taken up tennis, sort of. Dan and I were at In-N-Out and friends of ours called asking if we wanted to go play tennis (redding is beautiful right now and void of all wretched downpour) so we crossed over to target and bought raquets. When we finally got out there to play (none of us are good, mind you) it was clear that I was by far the worst in the group. I seriously have terrible hand eye coordination, but nobody fully believes me until they witness it themselves. It is why I spent my whole life playing soccer.
So I am going to go out and practice again. I may suck, but I am stubborn.

interstate drive time.

2006-03-09T18:03:00.000-08:00

yeah yeah yeah huh!
i will be down in LA in ONE WEEK!
Noah is going to run 23 miles and I will be there to watch and witness this once in a life time event.
Any chance anyone will be around and want to hang out? Is there anything wonderful happening that I just cannot miss? friends playing music more specifically? it seems like forever since i have had that chance.
road trips are best!

feeling rather emo tonight.

2006-03-05T21:59:00.000-08:00

why is it that the people you love the most are the people that can hurt you the most?
i mean, i know why.... emotions run higher and are far more meaningful...
it just sucks sometimes.
i think i want to live by myself.

automobile update.

2006-02-28T19:36:00.000-08:00

i did it. i bought a car. i am the proud new owner of the most practical impractical car.
i am coming down in may.

automobile.

2006-02-25T14:51:00.000-08:00

i went and test drove a new car today (new to me) that is so beautiful and so overwhelming.
my life is going to continue to be one gigantic ball of debt.
i could buy a car for a little money and replace it in 6 years
OR i could just suck it up, put a down payment and pay more for a car i will have for at least 15.
i hate money, i hate cars, i hate debt. i am just panicking because any time i have to pay money for anything i freak out! but if i had a car that ran, maybe i would actually take the time to drive and visit my lovely friends i never see. thats you guys, you who are reading this.
but after reading josh's story of his lovely experience of the new car catching on fire, i am not so inclined to.
we will see i guess!

updates.

2006-02-11T11:20:00.000-08:00

Has anyone else been listening to matisyahu?

My store is going fabulously... seriously could not have been an easier transition, however not met without challenges. There has been a past complacency at this store, something I am trying to erase, but everyone is so eager and hungry for enthusiasm and purpose, that they have been more than receptive. the weather here is a perfect balance of sun and breeze, i've spent my last few nights with friends and mai tai merriment, and Redding has had this kind of feeling of joy to it lately.
A few weeks ago I went out to dinner with a close friend from high school. He was this older, more professional and empathetic version of himself. In all honesty, as close as we were, he was kind of a tool in high school and I was much more reserved. and it was just so normal to be together and interesting to act out as our more grown up selves.
I just got tickets to go see deathcab at the end of March in Sacramento. I haven't seen them since Coachella 2 years ago, so I am excited, as I really do love 'plans.'
I've been at the manor for almost a full nine months now.... I haven't lived anywhere this long in over 2 years. My goal is to stay in one place for a full year and I'm surprised its something I will actually acheive.
I can say I am genuinely happy.

New Job

2006-01-26T08:40:00.000-08:00

YAY!!

I got promoted. I am the Store Manager of Eureka Way Starbucks. (The one downtown, the one with the amazing lobby and amazing ambience). Everyone come see me for a cup of coffee!

technological downfalls.

2005-11-20T20:32:00.000-08:00

this one is for noah.
today i went to kinko's to complete some paper cutting and photo-copying needs for work. There were a few other customers, and all of us were busy at our stations, completing tasks of sorts and concentrating hard on picking paper tray sizes for the copier. suddenly, this quite dapper older gentleman comes through the door, and stands there a moment. suddenly he raises his fist into a little fist-pump-in-the-air position and declares, "rubbish!"
we all begin to look his way.
"all technology is complete rubbish!"
he continues to declare the demons of advancement, as we all try hard to continue on with our tasks. It was rather humoring, although i did feel like I was Luther and the church had just discovered I translated the Bible to read-able texts. What was simple convenience for me made me destined for hell is his eyes.

grrrrRRAAAW!

2005-11-16T10:20:00.000-08:00

i am going through a phase where i hate my job. i hate making coffee, i hate tolerating underperforming baristas, i hate waking up at 330am, i hate opening and closing, i hate being the only full time manager in a store that supports four, i hate people who come to the counters on their cell phones and then apologize to the person they are talking to for the inconvenient interruption, i hate people who order by saying "i NEED", i hate being sick, i hate being tired, i hate not being allowed to take any time off during our "holiday blackout period", i hate having to pretend that i really love all of it. because i hate it.
i hate it all.

check me out.

2005-11-01T23:12:00.000-08:00

i am updating this post from my very own laptop. yes, thats right, i have finally arrived into the 21st century and embraced the progressive world of technology! Yay me, i am such a grown up.

we have a fish named fox. sophie, our cat, has discovered fox. she stands on the edge of a chair and pulls herself up onto the mantel with her paws and peers into his bowl. i have a feeling someday we will come home and fox will be "missing."

once, when i was a freshman in high school, we had birds. we came home one day and they were "missing." and our cats looked suspiciously happy.

perfect weather

2005-10-26T10:19:00.000-07:00

its been a perfect morning. It has been raining solidly since last night, which makes the river all misty and the skies all perfectly white and grey. and the leaves are all colorful and fiery along the river bed, which is perfect for watching while you drink a cup of tea. i am going to make french toast now. i love this weather, it is inspiring me to crawl back into bed.

my little monster

2005-10-19T15:04:00.000-07:00

i have a cat named sophie. she is my little monster.
i live on the second floor of my apartment complex, and i think its cruel to keep an animal locked up like that in a space where she has no entry to the outdoors. she loves running around on the deck, so i let her do that all day.

yesterday, i went out and bought her a leash and a harness.
so now she can ride around in my car and we can go to the park and things.
this is how boring my life has been lately. this is the most exciting thing i have to talk about.

although, today i hired elana sawyer to come work at my store and i am WAY excited about that.

tagged.

2005-10-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

tagged by miss two bird.

10 Years Ago: i was 14 years old and a freshman in high school. like lindsay, i started out wearing jeans, solid shirts and flannels everyday. then i moved into my mxpx, ghoti hook phase and fell in love with converse. i ended the year by discovering the cure and fell in love with the color black.

5 Years ago: i was in my sophomore year of college. i lived with melissa hendrix (nee windall) in by far the coolest dorm room i have ever lived in. whenever i think of the best of college, i think of this year, before so many friends left. sara, jon, johnny and i were unseperable and created the greatest spring break ever, camping in carpinteria in Santa Barabara, and learning you can't cook scrambled eggs on an open flame. i apprenticed for worship ministries and started working for starbucks. i was snowboarding five times a week and playing soccer. this was all pre-car accident.

1 Year Ago: i was living in seattle, frequenting cafe ladro and kerry park. and i was contemplating the move back to redding. i was terrified of moving and starting over yet once again, and i was scared of what i was giving up. i put in my two weeks, rented a moving van, and started this blog shortly upon returning to redding.

Yesterday: i went with my family to watch my uncle Tom be inducted into the Chico State Athletic Hall of Fame, for both soccer and basketball. After 35 years, he still holds two records for being a Keeper in Soccer. Graham came down, and it was really great to be with family.

5 Snacks I Enjoy: potato skins, all cheesy and bacony. peach sorbet. potstickers. popsicles. pumpkin creme cheese muffins. (i don't know why all my favorite snacks start with "p". I just now realized it, and i find it rather odd.)

5 Songs I Know All the Words To: any and every song by the cure. lets specify with letter to elise and just like heaven. mineral's parking lot. dylan's a hard rains-a gonna fall. ben harper's forever. brighteyes bowl of oranges.

5 Things I’d Do with 100 Million Dollars: pay of student loans. travel the world. invest and become a philanthropist. buy property in malta. create funding to rescue the invisible children of Africa.

5 Places I’d Run Away To: London, Lijiang, Seattle, Monaco and Paris

5 Things I’d Never Wear: Uggs and mini skirts. tanktops with rhinestones on them. platform shoes. feathered bangs.

5 Favorite TV Shows: Friends. The OC. thats it.

5 Biggest Joys: The first fall rain when the leaves are changing color. discovering new music. my little brother theo laughing. being with someone who knows you so well. solitude with God.

5 Favorite Toys: my baby pink espresso machine. my polaroid camera. my get away vehicle. my restaraunt bar blender and my taylor.

Folks to tag: I think everyone i know has been tagged, so lets stick with noah, becca and allison

the irony of trying to be responsible.

2005-09-26T15:07:00.000-07:00

last week, dan was in a car accident that was not of his own fault. sadly, he does not have full coverage and the other insurance company has not yet done anything to fix his vehicle. so we have been sharing my car. i was thinking about how with my own luck, i should upgrade my own insurance to full coverage instead of just comp and collision.

friday morning i woke up early and took my cat to the vet, and then went to my own doctor's appointment (routine check-up). then, after i leave said doctor's office, i head towards my car insurance agent's office. heading north on hilltop, i am traveling with traffic at the speed of 40 miles per hour. as i am passing by banner real estate (otherwise known as "the castle") a 2002ish black mustang convertible with dealer plates (registered for a dealer, not a test drive dealer vehicle mind you) with a 19 looking year old male driver and young girl as passenger comes into vision. clearly, the gentleman behind the wheel should not have had access to this car. the driver, waiting at "the castle" to pull into on-coming traffic and travel south, guns the gas and pulls directly in front of me giving me approximately 5 feet into which i can slam on my brakes and stop. after i have (with full momentum) crashed through the vehicle, the driver throws the car into reverse, turns around and flees the scene.
the cops have not yet located the jerk responsible for the accident, and after paying for a second doctor's appointment, and x-rays of my spine, i now do not have enough money to make rent on the first of the month.

i am feeling very screwed this week.

rediscovering old music/ memories.

2005-09-16T21:49:00.000-07:00

my roommate and i went through our cds and are now listening to all of the songs we used to love 4 years ago. her memories take her back to living in chico and being twenty and learning so much about herself in that year. my memories take me back to junior year of college and being twenty, when sara jon johnny and i were inseperable, and these were the cd rotations constantly in our players and on our road trips. i miss those days.
i never listen to these cds anymore. maybe its because i realized they aren't really that great, or its because listening comes with a certain pain of knowing that certain things change and certain friendships can never remain the same.
"there was never any place for someone like me to be totally happy......"
i don't know why this feels like such an emotional post.

new store.

2005-09-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

so about two weeks ago my district manager came to me and said "i'm moving you to a new store as of monday." which was very scary because that meant there was a lot to do in only a few days to prepare the store for change over to the new manager. normally, they give you like a month notice.

i like my new store. i am really having a great time and as much as i love my old store, it has been a long time since i went to work stress free and excited. i think i am finally at a point where i can just "be." i forced myself to take a break from planning and thinking about the future and future schooling and job movement and all the things you kind of worry about and think about in your twenties. and it has been very therapeutic. and i work with amie again which i love.

when amie and i left redding two years ago we were both working at starbucks in redding together and feeling dissatisfied. Now, we are back in the exact same place, and we are both happy. its strange.... maybe because we're different people now or because we have a better grasp on where we'd like to be and what we'd like to do, and maybe i am only speaking for myself, but it is strange how you never expect to return to what you purposfully left, and you never expect to be happier once you get back.

myth buster

2005-09-05T10:19:00.000-07:00

i caught the boquet at sarah's wedding, and i would just like to say, as someone who has caught the boquet four times now, that the myth of being "next" is a bunch of crap.

age does not = maturity.

2005-09-02T15:52:00.000-07:00

my cousin sarah is getting married this weekend in reno. so, i will be spending all of labor day weekend with my mom's (crazy) side of the family.
dan's coming. i don't think he realizes he'll be meeting so much family this weekend.
but i am way excited to hang out with my grandparents because they are two of the coolest people i know. my grandfather is an architect and a contemporary of Frank Llyod Wright's. His style is amazing, and touring through the different houses he designed and created in the greater bay area is definitely an experience. He was also a jazz pianist and an extremely talented and successful one at that. the best part is, he never took a music lesson a day in his life, and doesn't have the first idea of how to read a score. He is (i should know this for certain) 77. and then there is my grandmother, who so perfectly compliments him and is hilarious and witty. she is 57.
only in my family (where large age differences are so common.....) is this not unusual. i never think about the fact that my mom's step-mother is only 5 years older than her. then again, my mom is ten years older than my step-dad.
needless to say, my 24 year old cousin is marrying a 32 year old man and now has a 9 year old step-son. and together they are the perfect family.

i work in a record store?

2005-08-30T20:03:00.000-07:00

i went into work this morning and the first thing i did was purchase 'bob dylan live at the gaslight 1962. '

i have mixed feelings on this....

for one, it is odd to me that a corporation such as starbucks would own exclusive rights to great music such as this.

on the other hand i work for this corporation and therefore get the perks of having early access to exclusively owned music and discounts on purchasing the same. also, i believe that for the artists we carry i receive discounted prices on concert tickets. i wouldn't mind seeing dylan on a discount.

i feel conflicted. but either way the album is a serious ass kicker.

distraction from cleaning.

2005-08-20T17:19:00.000-07:00

When was the last time you went to the bathroom outside?
driving to the reno airport at about 230am two weeks ago.
When was the last time you saw one of your parents?
i saw my step-mom yesterday.
Which family member do you most resemble?
noah.
Do you wear cologne/perfume?
dkny be delicious. the bottle looks like a green apple... it is seriously yummy.
Do you wear deodorant?
you have to in redding summers.
Do you 'clean up nice'?
i don't really wear make-up, so when i do i look like a totally different person. so i don't know.
When was the last time you tripped and fell?
yesterday at work. i tend to hurt myself constantly. i am sure i will fall today too.... it just hasn'r happened yet.
Where was the last place you slept besides your home?
mexico.
What are you listening to right now?
david bowie. heck yes.
Have you ever started an uncontrollable fire?
surprisingly, no. but when sara olsen and i lived together, we came awfully close on numerous occasions.
Ever run out of gas on the road?
oh man, you bet! in every car i have ever owned. i have never owned a car with a working gas gauge. i'm not even embarassed about running out of gas because its always been in a comically tragic situation (like the last time, i was on my way to go horseback riding and i had to walk to the gas station during 5oclock traffic wearing my little tight riding pants and converse. they looked like stupid stretch aerobics pants!)
Would you rather cut the grass or rake the leaves?
i'd rather jump in a pile of leaves and then not rake them up.
Your name spelled backwards:
anin ylicec lahtneslef. wow. thats about as easy to pronounce as my actual name.
What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
i am currently without my own computer. soon to change.
Last time you swam in a pool?
last week in mexico.
Have you ever been in a school play?
oh yes. musicals every spring.
How many kids do you want?
i am still working on responsibly taking care of animals, let alone children.
Type of music you dislike most?
fabricated copy cats who try to pass themselves off as original singer/ songwriters. i seriously do not like john mayer and jason mraz. gag me. put one some jeff buckley or bob dylan and eat your hearts out mr. mayer and mr. mraz.
Are you registered to vote? in seattle.
Do you have cable? no way. i don't even have normal channels (which i actually wish i did so i can watch the news.)
Ever prank call anybody? i prank called johnny at starbucks with a ridiculous order one time. it totally stressed him out. it was so so funny!
Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? i ohmost went bungee jumping, but it was closed due to high winds. i don't think i would now, though.
Do you have a garden? i have a plant named leif that has been with me through huntington, seattle, and now redding. i don't know how he is still alive.
What's your favorite comic strip? get fuzzy. hiLARious!
Bath or Shower, morning or night?shower every other dayish.
Best movie you've seen in the past month?
we watched 'what's eating gilbert grape?' the other night. i'd forgotten how much i love that movie.
Chips or popcorn?
we have a drawer in our kitchen dedicated to popcorn. but i really like the sweet onion hawaiian kettle chips too!
What color lipstick do you usually wear?
i wear chapstick. but my sister bought me dior lipgloss in paris, and i LOVE that.
Have you ever smoked peanut shells?
is that like when you're a kid and people say you can smoke banana peels?
Orange Juice or apple?
orange juice. pulpy.
Favorite type of chocolate bar?
ghiradelli.
When was the last time you voted at the polls?
in seattle.
Last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
i used homegrown tomatos to make bruschetta two weeks ago. so so good.
Are you a good cook?
when i am patient enough. i am all about instant gratification, so i eat out alot.
Ever order anything from an infomercial?
no.
Sprite or 7-Up?
i don't drink soda. the closest i can come is calistoga mineral water, or ginger ale if i am sick.
Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work?
i work at starbucks in my green apron and lemming suit. so yes.
Ever thrown up in public?
oh yes. last week while i was in mexcio (i know that answer seems to keep appearing) i threw up in a planter outside of a restaurant.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
that's lust. ( i am keeping lindsey's answer.)
Can ex's be friends?
so rarely. i know of one ex couple who are very succesful at the friendship, but thats about it.
Who was the last person you visited in a hospital?
jamie hartley, having a babay.
Did you have a lot of hair as a baby?
none. my dad used to dress me in a dodger's uniform onesie and people would think i was a little boy. he called me "ike."
What message is on your answering machine?
i think it still says i am out of the country actually.
What do you think about most?
work. shoes. music. coffee. sleep. and the fact that i don't have enough time to think about what i really want to think about, like what i would really rather be doing with life.
Favorite form of travel?
i don't enjoy flying (becca) but i do like the convenience of it.
Ever drink rotten milk?
i don't even drink milk. the idea is wretched to me.

if you have to clean your apartment....

2005-08-20T15:37:00.000-07:00

and you are doing so because no one else is....
buy yourself a new lime olive green vaccum (i am so in love with it)
put on david bowie
and sing "changes" at the top of your lungs.
this makes the experience much more enjoyable.

but at least the beer was good.

2005-08-16T18:48:00.000-07:00

so mexico was awesome except for the fact that i accidentally ate fish.
[fyi i am terrifically allergic to most all fish and seafood].
this started a snowball of unfortunate events that left me violently ill for two days. but at least when you think you are dying you can lay by the pool and do nothing because that takes little to no effort.
i HATE fish. hate it.

vacation!

2005-08-06T12:08:00.000-07:00

top five things to do in mexico.

1. lay on the beach.
2. drink. alot. with the whole family.
3. shop the silversmiths.
4. snorkel waverunner type stuff.
5. eat at the divey little roadside stands.

i love not being in america!

yeah huh.

2005-07-29T13:23:00.000-07:00

i am suppossed to find out which store is officially mine today. i am effing crawling out of my skin because no one has called me.

mi familia.

2005-07-29T13:14:00.000-07:00

my family seems to forever feel like they are revolvong around me and it isn't until thanksgiving that we are all able to meet and settle into one spot together. my sisters have spent the summer at their dad's house in boise, whilst noah is in redding. and he leaves in like a week, when my sister's finally return home on sunday. so i have this ginormous family i adore and love more than anything, and yet i never get to adore them all together. with the exception of one day a year, which is my absolute favorite holiday, hands down, for that reason. being in the middle of my family is like taking a trip to international territory.
so it makes me sad that noah is missing out on mexico, and as thrilled as i am for graham, he is moving to humboldt next month (God willing) for school. and hilary is at UI for two more years, and nick has a family of his own (and another on the way) in boise. so its me, theo, natalie and heidi. what will it take to bring my family all back together someday? i have to resign to the fact that will probably never happen.

sound the trumpets.

2005-07-24T10:08:00.000-07:00

i'm off the market.

mexico. two weeks.

2005-07-23T17:52:00.000-07:00

oh lord.
i love being at my dad's house.
my parents are in the other room with a bunch of my relatives (we are having a barbecue) telling the story about a time when we were in mexico, that pretty much starts out with "hey, remember the time we got nina drunk?" and ends with my parents laughing pretty hard. boy are they awesome.

what do you do when you're bored? surveys.

2005-07-21T18:12:00.000-07:00

How tall are you? 5'6"
Do you own a gun? i own a hammer....
Rehab? nope. debauchery.
Have you ever killed an animal? i hit a bunny when i as driving home late one night in high school. i totally missed curfew too, but i was crying so hard because i felt so bad that i didn't get in trouble.
Are you Irish? no. i'm german jewish. i'm conflicted.
What do you think of hot dogs? i don't think about them. then they are easier to eat.
What's your favorite Christmas song? bright eyes cover of blue christmas.
What is your favorite smell? post rain.
What do you prefer to drink in the morning? coffee. lots.
Do you do pushups? no.
Have you been shot? yeah, from back in my gang days.
Have you ever been hospitalized? yes. i was picked up by an ambulance on new years eve my sophomore year of high school for having a seizure due to a severe concussion to the head. at church. of all places.
whats your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? apparently guys like standoffish girls.
Do you own a knife? yes. it is how i cut my avacados.
Do you have ADD? there are times when i am convinced.
Do you love the pain a tattoo brings? i panic at the sight of needles.
Name five drinks you have regularly: all things coffee, water, orange juice, newcastle brown and mojitos.
What's in your CD player? spoon, gimme fiction. but i am in my brother's room right now listening to sufjan while jake smiles is asleep on his bed.
What's under your bed? my guitar case and art portfolio.
What time did you wake up today? 4 in the effing am.
Current haircut? the "it's growing out long" shag with funky bangs i cut on impulse.
What are you wearing? diesel zinks, a yellow polka dot shirt and a vintage 3/4 length sleeve cardigan with rhinestones on it.
Current worry? that i'm rushing things.
Current love? um.
Current hate? customers on their effing cell phones.
Favorite place to be? diestlehorst bridge. at midnight.
Least favorite place? my hotter than hell apartment.
If you could play any instrument? my arhu.
Favorite colors? lime olivey green and muted orange. i don't know how to describe colors.....
One person from the past you wish you could be with? arian solberg.
Where would you like to go? the small village of Felsenthal in Germany, where all my ancestors descend from.
Where do you want to live? 1. england. 2. China. 3. near my friends and family, which is probably not ever going to be international, unfortunately.
Favorite food? pad thai and popsicles. the real fruit kind by dreyers. yum.
Color of most clothes you own? my closet looks like a crayola factory threw up in there. so does my apartment. but i own a lot of black.
Number of pillows you sleep with? 4 to 6ish.
What were you doing at 12AM last night? hating that i scheduled myself to open at 5am.
What do you think you will be doing in ten years? i better be married by then. and me and my husband can launch a (small) label, and we can just travel all the time.
Are you paranoid? sometimes. if you know me then you think my paranoias are funny.
Do you burn or tan? tanish. some burning will occurr.
First piercing/tattoo? ears. but now i only have my traigus' pierced.
Last person you yelled at? when i left my apartment, i yelled "como estas bitches" to my roommates. does that count?
Latest crush? um.
Last thing you ate? a popsicle and potstickers. seriously, i LOVE popsicles.
If you could be a pirate, would you? hell yeah i'm a pirate.
What songs do you sing in the shower? whatever i put in my cd player.
What's in your pockets right now? nothing.
What color are your bedroom walls? white. i live at the manor. judy would have a coniption if i painted my room. but... she may be too drunk to notice.
Last thing that made you laugh? tickling theo.
Best bed sheets you had as a child? i had the same flowery sheets for close to a decade.
Pets? okay. beauregard jackson- anglo arab horse. cherrubino- welsh horse. ezekiel and lazarus- great danes. quesadilla, pumpkin, and julius- cats. and sophie my precious little kitten that i rescued. i think that's all.... my dad's house is like a refuge halfway house for stray animals, so its always changing.
Have you ever won any awards? yes. i was an involved child.
How many T.V.s do you have in your house? one, but the only thing that works is the dvd player. we don't even get normal channels.
Who do you tell your dreams to? whoever is in them or would find them the most funny.
If you could make out with one person who would it be? um. and jason lee probably. or clifford our hot friend from liverpool (for amie).
What do you think of the person who posted this before you? matt will forever be associated with johnny's in huntington. kick ass memories.

the negative consequence of positive thoughts.

2005-07-20T17:42:00.000-07:00

last night daniel and i drove out to the lake around 1130, and the water was such the most perfect temperature that we just jumped in, jeans and all. and now i am effing sick.

and i can't wait for fowlers' falls on saturday.

the impossible.

2005-07-19T19:06:00.000-07:00

i've met the most beautiful man.

i like grapes.

2005-07-16T14:50:00.000-07:00

everyone must go out and see charlie and the chocolate factory. aside from the fact that johnny depp is so beautiful and beautifully talented and can do no wrong, tim burton created the new version to play out more like the book than the original film. and for anyone who has read the book, you will enjoy this more.

14 hour work day and one arrest.

2005-07-08T20:03:00.000-07:00

i am so disturbed by the obliviousness this country (or at least this town) has to international events. not a single one of my customers today had any idea of the devestation that hit London yesterday. No matter that it is smeared across the headlines of today's papers; everyone seems to be aware that they are hosting the 2012 olympics, while so few are aware that they are suffering through tragedy.

wednesday i worked for 14 hours. I was at Starbucks from 10am to midnight: my opener had carpal tunnel and had to go to the doctor's, while my mid day supervisor was really sick. no one would come in, so I got to work all day long. at one point, since i was suppossed to be two people, I came very close to being alone in the store, because nobody could stay and work. so i called in two brand new people that i just hired, so that i had bodies in the store so i could at least keep the store open.

Then, right at close, the police came and arrested a guy who was threatening me and my store! (derek probably knows who he is from working at starbucks in redding.... his name is Thomas and he walks with a limp and talks like he has just suffered a stroke and he used to go to the celebration and the stirring and he likes to hit on really young girls and he is just overall creepy). It is a really long story, but he was drunk, he is crazy, and called me a liar and a bitch and said "I'm going to get you nina, i am going to get YOU!" and it was so freaky, and peter, lauren, david and scott harvey were there and the store was totally packed and it was dead silent as the cops came in and cuffed him. Now, I have to file reports because they (the Police and our partner asset and protection person) want him permanently banned from all starbucks in redding.

AND, he has come back in the last two mornings to find me and as soon as the police get here, he has just split. it makes me so effing mad, and i don't know why he has it out for me, and he keeps coming back and leering, as if to say "you can't make me do anything."

exciting, isn't it. it makes me want to swear and throw things.

i hit a guy. it was an accident.

2005-07-05T18:13:00.000-07:00

i am glad we are reviving the blogging community... i miss hearing about everyone.
we had a perfect little view of the fireworks spectacular last night from our little apartment on the bluffs, with friends and a barbecue, and joey jumping down the side of the bluff to put out the fire some genious started with a roman candle. its redding. its dry.

i gave dan jump a bloody nose on accident..... (ikes) friday... we were playing basketball in the pool with a bunch of people and i went to hit the ball from his shot and managed to perfectly clock his nose (!) he went under water and when he came up blood was just gushing from his face and it was really gross. but the best part was dan was laughing really hard and just said "that was amazing!" now everybody thinks i am dangerous and jeremy calls me ninja.

shhh.... i have an interview to be a store manager. my own store. i don't have to share. no more assistant manager. just.... store.... manager.

i found a kitty in the manor parking lot! she is little and all black and has a mini tail and is named sophie. she is precious.

kate is gone and i miss her. it is weird because she is in boise where my sisters are but she has never met them but i like to think that they could run into each other on some weird coincidence.....

happy birthday to joey, my amazing friend.

new flat.

2005-06-01T18:17:00.000-07:00

i love love love my new apartment. it is so perfect and pretty and equipped with a beautiful view and friends built right in next door. i spent the afternoon finishing setting up our living room and hanging pictures on the wall. its darling. i love living here.

working at a coffee shop.

2005-05-23T11:25:00.000-07:00

any day you get to wear red rubber galoshes to work is going to be a good day.

russia is cold, so you'll probably want to take a jacket.

2005-05-12T18:40:00.000-07:00

i am starting to feel like i don't do much unless it is on a day off. i think it is because i live so freaking far out of town, it seems like a huge deal to just drive in to do something unless it is already planned. but i will be moving in to town soon. the sucky thing is this is my favorite part of year to live in the house i am currently in: it is "the house with the good diving board" (for peter and david), i can ride every day, and it is super peaceful. plus, at night you can see every single star in the sky. but i miss being near friends.

i bought an amazing painting from amie this week! she is seriously the best artist i have ever known in real life. i don't want her to move yet. i want her to stay. i want to be selfish and keep her. i don't want one more close friend living far away (becca!! i miss you.)

i am listening to the talking heads. (for joey).

i got off work early and thought i would go work out. i thought "yeah, maybe i'll try to get some muscles or something" but instead i went to in n out and had extra sides of spread with my fries.

i feel very blessed. i know noah already said it, but there is so much comfort in kowing that God is consistent, even in the chaos of our ever changing lives. that's amazing. and that's what keeps me going.

moving. soon.

2005-05-03T22:14:00.000-07:00

oh yes.
i have a new apartment.
i am moving in with the girls, next door to joey and peter and ron.
welcome beautiful sunsets over west redding, and friends next door! i think it will be difficult to remove me from the porch.
i can't wait until summer is officially here. i love redding in the summertime.

unsung hero.

2005-04-28T00:27:00.000-07:00

last night was awesome.
amie and i drove down to sacramento to see johnny's band 'unsung hero' play. now i have friends named dan, greg and flanders. dan and greg are brothers and they are both super tall. they made me laugh. and i got a shirt, with an airplane on it. the show was really good, (you should come play redding) and then we got in some laughs at eppie's and i think i might have fallen asleep driving home (although we are safe). i love driving with amie. it goes by so fast, and we have so much fun and always good times. our goal is to take a drive down to southern california this summer and make the rounds. i finally got to give johnny his birthday presents too, and the best part was yesterday while i was at world market, i found one more thing i could give him. it is a pint of beer with a picture of a little demon gargoyle on the front and it is called "arrogant bastard ale." and it just made me laugh every time i looked at it (those who know johnny also know that he is the farthest thing from and arrogant bastard)
when we were driving, amie had a dream she was talking to daniel mayberry and he turned into a sandwich.
we were also talking about why people perceive things differently, and aside from the obvious of life's experience shaping your perceptions, it still seems that similar people from similar settings can still look at the world with completely different ideals. it is as if on the day you are born, you are handed a pair of glasses through which to see the world. "here, here is your perception. have fun." and through life, you meet people with similar glasses, and completely different glasses, and through them you can glimpse the world in a different light. and it is good.

chkachkachka

2005-04-23T20:04:00.000-07:00

the velvet teen and the good life are playing in san francisco tonight.

last night i hung out with a bunch of friends at a comedy and music night fundraiser for simpson's brazil team. it was in the dining hall. it is so weird to be in there and not see familiar faces from what was my own college experience. johnny and i were talking yesterday and realized that this fall, it will be a full decade since we started high school. that makes me feel old.
i am really excited for summer, when people will be out of school and have more available time. except for joey. he finds it neccesary to be in class and work full time and i miss him because i never ever see him anymore. hi joey.

day after.

2005-04-18T16:26:00.000-07:00

life is not as bad as that last post made it sound.
i just hate being taken off guard when it hurts.

anyways.

one of those moments.

2005-04-17T19:15:00.000-07:00

i have a lump in my throat. if i don't keep my eyes squeezed tight, tears will come pouring out. all the unexpected things i saw, all the things i never wanted to know.
this doesn't make any sense. i am tired of my efforts being futile. i am so tired of being treated like a doormat. i am so tired of selfish people. i am tired of secrets locked up in shoeboxes. i have no medium for which to let this all out. i want to scream at the top of my lungs. i don't want to be the only one hurt.

its been two months already....

2005-04-15T18:07:00.000-07:00

and i am still waiting for my tax return.

my dad.

2005-04-14T15:26:00.000-07:00

i love my dad. he makes me laugh so freaking hard because we both have the same altered sense of humor. today we were talking and he said "The most philosophical advice i can take from music is wham: guilty feet have got no rhythm. So, dwell on that for awhile."

my family are all going to see noah tomorrow. except me. i have to stay. and i am jealous.

my attempt to revive my blog

2005-04-13T01:03:00.000-07:00

i love this week.
i had coffee with the girls on sunday.
i actually really liked church. sometimes i go to church expecting it to suck.
worship on sunday night at refuge was awesome.
karley, i love you. i had so much fun talking to you on sunday.
karley, allison, the sass and i at lim's. nick, right side of the menu, right side.
my sister natalie and i are going to buy some sort of bungalo dwelling on the island of malta.
i love james chapter 5. it reminds me that i have a purpose.
do you ever feel that if we could only accept our identity as children of the King life would become simpler, as God intended it?
i am seriously considering looking into doing my dts again. i am getting ridiculously restless. i want to be serving God... somewhere with some purpose.
i am committed to playing guitar for a minimum of one hour a day every day.
life is pretty wonderful right now.
i miss all you friends.
noah, i can't wait for you to come home.

music friends.

2005-02-22T06:47:00.000-08:00

historyinvades came through last night. i miss my friends.
it was cool, mikey played bass with them, even though he has left the band. i love watching mikey play bass... he's phenomonal. i miss daniel so much, i got to spend minimal time with him before he moved... to my city. and harper. paul moved to seattle the same weekend i moved back to redding. there is this continuing mass exodus to seattle occuring, and within the next three months i can count at least 6 more friends who are planning on moving there. i moved back here so sad about leaving seattle but so excited about all the amazing people in redding, and now they are all moving there, and always asking me "why did you leave? just come back with us!"
this post is unimportant, just some venting.
i got their white vinyl from makebreak last night, and their new cd is coming out in june. it will be one to own.
cheers.

back to life.

2005-02-05T01:46:00.000-08:00

today i entered back into the world of the real people.
i can't remember ever being this sick for this long before. Having the flu for so long and being so loopy because of it, my reality quickly blurred lines with the FRIENDS marathon I was having and soon my life existed in this cute little purple apartment in a six story walk up in New York City.
I think (I know) I am getting ahead of myself, but lately I have been thinking of what it would be like to buy a house. A part of what I hate about apartment living, is with rent you aren't making an investment. Your money is just dissolving away, when you could be living somewhere and investing it at the same time. The way Real Estate prices are climbing, if I don't buy a house within the next few years, I will never be able to. There are these adorable houses in west redding (the really pretty downtown part) that were built in the twenties. How cool would it be to buy an old fixer and re-do it? And in this fantasy I have a lot of time for that. Never mind working 40 hours a week. Yesterday Natalie and I went to home depot and i was all drugged up on antibiotics and i got a bunch of paint samples. I have no idea what I will do with any of them, but it was fun.
cheers.
nina

i want to die.

2005-02-01T17:12:00.000-08:00

i have the flu.
it feels like hell.

new happenings.

2005-01-27T20:02:00.000-08:00

so today i was "officially" promoted to be a manager.
yay me.
i am salaried. i have stock and a 401k. which is really weird.....
and i am an adult. i guess this means i will be sticking around redding.
put in my dues for up to a year and i will have my own store.

now what i really want to do is learn how to weld so i can keep building furniture. i love power tools... drills are great, but if i could weld stuff then i think i would be able to be more creative. half art, half function. probably less function.... i am not that good.

i came home and my horse was loose, so i got to chase him around my neighbors property, which was the first time i have run in a really long time.
i ran into charity gaschler today. (not gaschler anymore, but i don't know her new last name) she is married and pregnant and having a little girl. she looked great.
joel visited me at work which always makes me happy. so did my mom.
my stepdad showed me the tatoo he is getting in hebrew. qadesh.... it means sanctified one. but one slight variance with one tiny dash and it means male whore. so i hope the artist who does it is really careful.
friends are coming to visit soon.
lifes pretty good.

no snow and NO fast food.

2005-01-18T10:50:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up and looked out my window, just to see pure beautiful white blanketing the trees. snow? I thought I must be decieved! indeed, i WAS deceived. it was just a bunch of thick fog that in my half awakeness led me to believe it was snow. there is no reason to get out of bed today.
last night i watched super size me with my family. If you haven't seen it yet, I think you should. it was good. Asides from the grotesqueness of watching him eat McDonald's three times a day, there is a lot of interesting interviews and media studies, such as food and nutrition programs in schools, and the effect advertising has on kids decisions to have or not have a healthy diet. Also, not only are we quickly becoming the fatest nation, but also the stupidest.... and if current trends continue, one out of three kids born in 2000 will develop adult onset diabetes. Anyways, I really liked it, because if you know me, you know i do not eat fast food. except for in-n-out which has been well decided by all of us that it is NOT fast food.
Okay all you redding cats, manor party tonight. i feel like i haven't hung out in days....

2005-01-17T01:11:00.000-08:00

in the time we take to move 160 to go 160 below miles and styles and bright days turned blue.

it is so late i should be sleeping and i can't type.

2005-01-16T02:47:00.000-08:00

i'm home. i'm exhausted. i'm happy. i'm nostalgic. i'm bittersweet.
my favorite trip moments.
being with noah on his birthday, and witnessing the tremendous impact he has made on so many lives in so little time. he's pretty phenomonal.
driving into my old apartment complex in huntington and feeling as if i never left.
eating at jersey joe's.
talking for hours with becca.... i miss the heart to hearts.
texas hold 'em with becca and linda.
toi.
the entire wedding weekend.
having johnny, jon, sara, melanie, paul, amy and taylor all in the same room.
being encouraged by david, and deciding to play.
walking downtown ventura in post tornado weather.
meeting gary and being reminded that dreams are significant.
driving back into redding.... the moment you hit 44 and drive west to the edge of the valley.
my favorite trip quotes.
"whenever i am really intoxicated, like on nyquil, i can smoke as much as i want" and "water! i just LOVE it!! I have to pee." -derek heule.
"come on love love and macintush" -jeremy lake.
"go left. no right, no i mean left. wait, which way is left?" - becca claire.
" i got a MUG award today!!" -linda lee.
"hows your dad?" -johnny stallings.
there. for david and jacob who accuse me of never posting.
cheers.

Weddings, Candy and Celebrations

2005-01-11T19:08:00.000-08:00

Sara and Jon had the most beautiful wedding.... and the best part was spending so many days and so much time with friends who haven't been together in so long. We all got to play a part. We were all so close in college, and have all moved so far apart. Its painful, not being near the ones who know you better than you know yourself. In preparation for this wedding, we long ago stopped calling it "the wedding" and instead started calling it "the reunion". It almost seemed more appropriate.
Have you ever looked at something in the same way for so long that you stopped looking at it? It just becomes a fixture, something permanent and unnoticeable. Like a piece of artwork that you've been staring at for so long, that you don't even notice it anymore because you don't have to look at it to study it. And then suddenly, you look at it one day and it is completely different from what you remember..... all of the shapes and colors have changed, and it is like you are seeing it for the very first time, in a brand new light.
I feel like a kid in a candy store, and anything I could possibly want is mine if I so wish. Yet I know that if I have even one piece of candy, I could end up with a cavity. So I will probably end up sacrificing the candy to prevent my teeth from rotting and falling out. I could do without the candy, I can't do without my teeth.
I'm at Noah's apartment waiting for him to get out of a meeting so we can go celebrate. Happy 22nd Birthday little brother.

new year.

2005-01-06T21:59:00.000-08:00

my brother is leaving redding and i'm sad. i didn't see him as nearly as much as i would have liked. just a reaffirmation that i work too much.
I leave tomorrow. i can't wait.
blah blah i have nothing interesting to talk about, but I'll be down south for a week so i hope i get to meet up with some of you fabulous people!
cheers.

Tsunami Aid Relief

2004-12-31T21:06:00.000-08:00

I think at the latest count, 100,000 people are still missing and or dead, and hundreds of thousands (if not millions) are left homeless. This is such unfathomable devestation... over a dozen countries affected is so tremendous. I know that (almost) everyone I know on blogger drinks coffee. So, I am going to make a request. If you buy beans this week, please swing by Starbucks and pick up a pound of Sumatra. 2 bucks goes directly to help aid the victims on the island of sumatra.... the same people who grew and harvested the coffee you buy. Its nothing outside of your normal routine, it helps lives, and its good coffee. I have been looking into really reputable relief agencies too, and the ones I have found are Doctors without Borders, Mercy Corps, and the Salvation Army. And I am sure that wherever you are at there is a local chapter of some organization collecting donations to help. I know it sounds like I just made a pitch for Starbucks (believe me that is NOT my intent) I am just looking for simple ways that we can help others who have been devestated half a world away. Have a fantastic new years everyone, i am going to bed at 10 so i can be at work at 5.
cheers.

musings.

2004-12-30T01:45:00.000-08:00

Even with this blog. I still keep a paper back journal. Actually, I keep like seven of them, various books strown about my room and car and such and I will just write in whichever one is closest... they aren't so much organized. I don't know why.... I journal about everything, and I blog about nonesense mostly. nothing too deep. That's kind of tragic in a way, when we are so scared of what we might say that we just, don't.
So all the things going through my head.
I am so restless here, and terrified of being stationed permanently into anything.... Redding, my job, my house.. and I keep waiting for that next moment where my life will again be disrupted and I will move onto another city, make new friends, find new passions in art, music, anything... have my heart broken, pack up and leave again. its a trend. but it can be more appealing to know that in that trend I am constantly experiencing new things, even if painful, than to be stagnant where I'm at. The idea of settling TERRIFIES me. I love my family, I love my home. I have been happier (and emotionally healthier) since being here than I have been in the last two years. And at the same time I miss Seattle, I miss LA. I am scared of what I could be missing.
I haven't had a single regret about where the last two years have taken me. I trust God, and what He has done through all of this is yet to be seen.... If anything, it has shown me what I can handle, and that is absolutely nothing without Him. My seasons are short and many. So often I feel like a rubix cube... no matter how much things in my life change nothing every seems to line up.
I am honestly scared of pursuing my passions. I dream so big, and all of the things I want are so very precious to me, that the thought of not acheiving them is painful. And that is why being here scares me. Today I completed my application to be a manger at Starbucks, but this isn't what I want... I am so afraid of waking up in ten years and still putting on a green apron to go to work. I guess that I just see every moment I pour myself into where I am at now, is a moment I am not pouring myself into where I want to be. So instead of putting together press packs and booking shows for my own venue I am studying up on Starbucks newest drink promo "Chantico" which I couldn't possibly be less excited about. Really, I just don't care.
I know I sound jaded, but the last few days I have been walking around kind of wondering, what happened to me? My mom bought me a beautiful easel for Christmas and Graham got me a gift certificate for canvas and supplies. I loved it, and I said "Wow, maybe I can start painting again" and Graham said "yeah nina, that was the point."
Its not just painting. I so rarely play my guitar, I haven't ridden in weeks, I can't remember the last show I went to... and it is all because I am working seven days a week for something thats not all that important.
I know God wants me here. I have no doubt. I know He has called me to Silence. My Utmost for His Highest has a great devotion about how God trusts the strong with Silence. It is one of our greatest tests of Faith, because we are being so blindly led. It is all about Faith. Just Faith.
And it is terribly frightening.

I'm coming for a visit.

2004-12-29T13:49:00.000-08:00

Sara and Jon are getting married on January 8th.
Since I will be half way there, I am leaving Fresno early on the 9th and coming down to LA until the 14th! So I would love to see any and everyone of you who is going to be around. Becca and I want to drive up to Big Bear for at least a day... and Noah's birthday is the 11th so I thought it would be fun to take him out and do something. any ideas? I miss you all. I can't wait!

Merry Christmas!

2004-12-24T23:47:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas friends and family,
Today is a momentous day for us. In this day is the perfect manifestation of love, the reason for our existence. Let's celebrate today as our victory over death in the birth of our King! Walk as that example, in a society so obsessed with consumerism, so that others may be blessed as well.
My wish is that you would all be so fully blessed this coming year, that I would get to see you all more often, and Joy would follow you everywhere you are.
much love,
nina.

interview

2004-12-21T01:18:00.000-08:00

i got a phone call waking me up this morning at 10am. it was work, telling me "you have an interview today at 1pm." what? "you are interviewing with the district manager to become a manager."
okay does anyone else think that was super short notice? so i went (without a cover letter, resume, reference letters or ANYTHING remotely important) and had my interview. I think it actually went very well. I led a coffee tasting which was awesome (derek) and then just answered a million questions. I already went through all of this when i was living in seattle, but the questions were so different, i was caught off guard with each one. so hopefully, by next week i will be promoted.
wow i am becoming a grown up. its weird. but its nice to have an income that pays off the student loans.
on a better note, becca banghart is here (!!!) which is wonderful. nothing better than having your best friend with you. manor party tomorrow night.
also, i am planning on visiting becca next month, so while in LA i am going to try and make the so-cal rounds and want to see everyone!
everyone keeps taking about snowboarding. i haven't been since my car accident, so this winter i'll be on the mountain. i probably suck now, its been so long.
other than that. i worked all day.
cheers.

vision mishaps.

2004-12-18T01:45:00.000-08:00

today was actually quite surreal.
i saw jesus standing in front of the supermarket today as i was driving to work. as i was staring at this man, i remembered i needed gas. i pulled into the gas station i used yesterday, just to look up and see that the gas pumps no longer existed. they were completely gone, as if they had never been there before.
i blinked.
i had just used them yesterday, so i must be hallucinating, because first i see jesus standing in front of the supermarket, and then an entire gas station has dissapeared without a trace. so confused, i pulled back onto placer and started driving into town, when i see someone in a giant fuzzy pink bunny suit walking down the street, smoking a cigarette.
so i laugh, because i have to be losing it.

friend.

2004-12-17T01:46:00.000-08:00

i haven't been updating because nothing exciting ever happens when you work seven days a week (unless you are rosie in which case you have hysterical stories of russian men in thongs... rosie i laughed so hard by the way) so all my entries would look like this:
"today i folded denim walls for 8 hours"
or
"today i got yelled at by crazy shoppers who wanted coffee NOW."

but instead today i got to hang out with noah schneider, which was such an awesome surprise. i was at lameass starbucks, and all of a sudden he comes bouncing through the doors (literally..... bouncing, those of you who know noah can visualize it i'm sure) because he is in town for a bit. noah is one of the most precious souls i have ever known, and he is so passionate and dedicated to his ministry. i love that he works for steiger... sometimes i wish i did too. if you haven't, read "dancing with skinheads", its amazing.
i was blessed by hanging out with noah, he definitely brought some awesome change to a monotonous day.

"they stuck yen in a dufflebag!"

2004-12-11T02:03:00.000-08:00

and we don't have a greaseman anymore, because he's stuck in a bag.... somewhere.

nutshell.

2004-12-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

yay! i like my new template. it reminds me of snow after the first fall, and it is called snapshot tequilla. snow, snapshot, tequilla. nice.

top five experiences from today:
being the subject of a friend's photography art project
going to diestlehorst and feeling nothing but happy
sending toys off to the starlight foundation
laughing because my car will no longer lock and that should suck but oh well
having a picture of me tatooed on a friend's arm (it IS me!)

it was a normal but very good day.